The last two months have been rough to say the least. On October 29 I got out of bed just like any normal day and I didn’t realize that later that night I would be knocking on deaths door, again. It was a day off of work, but I still did my normal routine around the house and I was feeling alright. Later on that evening, my daughter and I started dancing with the Wii and I did nothing different than I normally do on there. I felt ok while dancing, but I did notice that I was a little short of breath towards the end. When we were done, and after I had slowly cooled down like I am supposed to, I was sitting and watched a little television. When I got up to go upstairs I could feel my heart starting to race. I was at the first step, so I stopped and looked down to collect myself. I then continued to go up but my heart started racing so fast and I was getting dizzy and short of breath. I sat on the stairs and put my head down and concentrated on my breathing. My daughter asked if I was alright, and when I shook my head she yelled for my husband. At that point, everyone in the house came running and it seemed like my heart wouldn’t quit racing. Now when I had my heart attack three years earlier, my heart never raced like that, so this was something new to me. Eventually my heart stopped racing and I just took it easy the rest of the night and I stayed home the next day.
When I went to my doctor he check my ICD to see what had actually happened, and I was in cardiac arrest. My heart came out of it on its own and I was just a couple of seconds away from my defibrillator shocking me. Needless to say I was stunned when I heard the news. I cried like a baby in front of my doctor and when I left the office, I cried all of the way home. I was numb. Why??? Why did this happen? I eat right, exercise and take care of myself. Since that night, I have had “flutters” and it will make my throat feel tight. I will sometimes feel lightheaded with it and then I have to sit down.
I might seem healthy to look at, but no one truly knows what I go through. Fatigue, flutters, and lightheadedness all seem to be a part of my life anymore. Change in my medication is partly to blame with the fatigue, but with a weak heart that can make me tired as well. My emotional being is another story. This spell hit me harder than my heart attack did. I have now realized that at age 45, I cannot do the things that I want to do anymore. I have always had a bucket list of things to do and some of them are now out of the question. I have a life ahead of me that I want to continue, but at the same time I now know my limits. I have come to accept this, even though I still have my emotional days, and I take life one day at a time. I also know that there are some changes that need to be made in my life and, God willing, they will happen and help me feel better.
With all of that said, life goes on. I still have to work, grocery shop, take care of my home and family, and yes I do get some help with the home part. Shopping has become a little more of a challenge, however. When it is cold out, that really bothers me, so I have been having someone go with me when it is snowing and cold so they can push the cart in the snow and do the heaving lifting. I have still been getting some bargains when I shop. Every little bit helps on the budget :).
I paid $2.99 for everything in this picture. I am a stickler for cooking and snacking healthy, but the family still has to have their “treats” occasionally. Giant Eagle offers e-coupons that you can load to your card and I loaded the $1 tuna coupon and the $1 potato chip coupon to my card to get the tuna free and the chips for 99¢. The toothbrush was free with a coupon doubled and the canned fruit was 50¢ each but a coupon printed out for 75¢ off my next order for buying them. Gotta love those coupons!
Life can throw you a curveball, but all that matters is how you catch it and how you handle it when it happens. It is a daily struggle, but I am managing!