Being Thankful

The last two months have been rough to say the least. On October 29 I got out of bed just like any normal day and I didn’t realize that later that night I would be knocking on deaths door, again. It was a day off of work, but I still did my normal routine around the house and I was feeling alright. Later on that evening, my daughter and I started dancing with the Wii and I did nothing different than I normally do on there. I felt ok while dancing, but I did notice that I was a little short of breath towards the end. When we were done, and after I had slowly cooled down like I am supposed to, I was sitting and watched a little television. When I got up to go upstairs I could feel my heart starting to race. I was at the first step, so I stopped and looked down to collect myself. I then continued to go up but my heart started racing so fast and I was getting dizzy and short of breath. I sat on the stairs and put my head down and concentrated on my breathing. My daughter asked if I was alright, and when I shook my head she yelled for my husband. At that point, everyone in the house came running and it seemed like my heart wouldn’t quit racing. Now when I had my heart attack three years earlier, my heart never raced like that, so this was something new to me. Eventually my heart stopped racing and I just took it easy the rest of the night and I stayed home the next day.

When I went to my doctor he check my ICD to see what had actually happened, and I was in cardiac arrest. My heart came out of it on its own and I was just a couple of seconds away from my defibrillator shocking me. Needless to say I was stunned when I heard the news. I cried like a baby in front of my doctor and when I left the office, I cried all of the way home. I was numb. Why??? Why did this happen? I eat right, exercise and take care of myself. Since that night, I have had “flutters” and it will make my throat feel tight. I will sometimes feel lightheaded with it and then I have to sit down.

I might seem healthy to look at, but no one truly knows what I go through. Fatigue, flutters, and lightheadedness all seem to be a part of my life anymore. Change in my medication is partly to blame with the fatigue, but with a weak heart that can make me tired as well. My emotional being is another story. This spell hit me harder than my heart attack did. I have now realized that at age 45, I cannot do the things that I want to do anymore. I have always had a bucket list of things to do and some of them are now out of the question. I have a life ahead of me that I want to continue, but at the same time I now know my limits. I have come to accept this, even though I still have my emotional days, and I take life one day at a time. I also know that there are some changes that need to be made in my life and, God willing, they will happen and help me feel better.

With all of that said, life goes on. I still have to work, grocery shop, take care of my home and family, and yes I do get some help with the home part. Shopping has become a little more of a challenge, however. When it is cold out, that really bothers me, so I have been having someone go with me when it is snowing and cold so they can push the cart in the snow and do the heaving lifting. I have still been getting some bargains when I shop. Every little bit helps on the budget :).

bargains

I paid $2.99 for everything in this picture. I am a stickler for cooking and snacking healthy, but the family still has to have their “treats” occasionally. Giant Eagle offers e-coupons that you can load to your card and I loaded the $1 tuna coupon and the $1 potato chip coupon to my card to get the tuna free and the chips for 99¢. The toothbrush was free with a coupon doubled and the canned fruit was 50¢ each but a coupon printed out for 75¢ off my next order for buying them. Gotta love those coupons!

Life can throw you a curveball, but all that matters is how you catch it and how you handle it when it happens. It is a daily struggle, but I am managing!

 

Beth

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8 thoughts on “Being Thankful

  1. Hi Beth, I knew you had been absent but had no idea this is why. I know you exercise and eat right so this was a bad surprise to me too.

    Hugs to you and prayers too.

    And good job on the bargains 🙂

    • Thanks Rhonda. I also was having some computer problems but this really threw me for a loop. I missed going to your’s and others blogs for “visits”. I will stop by to say hi 🙂

    • Thanks Tina. I really don’t have a choice, either I fight or give up. I don’t feel that giving up is an option, but emotions are there everyday. I try to remember why I survived my heart attack…because someone cared to save my life! There are reasons for everything in life and I do feel there is a reason for everything that has happened to me.

  2. My Goodness, Beth,
    You absolutely need to cut back and make a list of things you can do and cannot do. Check with your grocery store and suggest they make a motorized cart available to their customers. They have them in this area. Also, some stores will deliver groceries and meds to people having trouble getting around. I am so Thankful you came through all this OK. You and your’s are in our prayers and thoughts. Rest up for the Holidays coming very soon. It is time to kick back and watch someone else do all the preparations and work. I have cut back considerably. This year the gifts are money. No one has had one complaint. They are thrilled. LOVE, XOXOXOXO, You aunt Mary

    • Hi Aunt Mary. I actually have scaled back on the decorations this year and Katie and Matt have been a big help with some of the things around the house. They also go with me to the store more. I don’t want to give up on walking, I just take it easy. Tell the family we said hi and we wish you a Merry Christmas.

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